The Guardian

I have lots of wondrous happy memories with these boys, especially when they were still kids. Actually, if it weren't for them, I would probably have not recovered so soon from a heartbreaking separation with the man whom I thought would be my partner for life. From there on, I have completely devoted myself to look after these two youngsters and later I became their guardian. Time passes by so fast that I almost didn't notice, I remember very well that they were just preschoolers then. Today they’re both in college, the younger one is in his second year taking up BS in Information and Technology in STI while the older one is about to finish a degree of BS in Computer Science in U.P. Diliman and soon to graduate with flying colors. They’re my pride and joy! Indeed, I’ve considered them as they’re my own flesh and blood; they were being well taken care of, well-loved and well-guided. On top of that, I’ve selflessly given them all that I’ve got and I haven't left them even in times of crisis and no matter what happens I will always be on their side as long as they needed me.

I'm truly thankful to the Lord, despite our ups and downs; still, we managed to surpass all obstacles that come our way. They were fully aware of what we’d been through before they reached this point of their lives. And, it had been a no joke situation; I couldn't imagine myself going through the same thing all over again. Sooner or later, they would lead their own separate lives and all that I ever wished for them were to have a brighter future and be somebody--be the best in their chosen field. They, in their late teens, are already entirely two different individuals. They each have their own personality, interests and pleasurable pastimes; aside from that they have their own circle of friends to hang out with. As they develop the sense of being independent, some things change but others remain the same; like, we do have bonding moments although not as often as compared to old times -- when they had been very dependent on me. And so far, we didn't forget to celebrate each one’s birthday, Valentine's Day and such other occasions all together. Also, we still always find time to eat out and shop around at the same time.

As they get older, I have seen changes in their attitude; the “older one” in particular has become so unapproachable and unpredictable. He is so obscure that no way you could get the idea on when you would have one real nice talk. More often than not, disagreements are the most likely to arise and eventually causes trouble that I find so upsetting. Little did I know that he stands corrected; in many instances, he took a very firm stand on his own understanding. I don't deserve to be disrespected... they get out-of-line and are being disrespectful whenever we have an argument. It's extremely annoying and frustrating on my part. Just to resolve persistent problem with their behavior, I had rather refrain myself from talking to them as much as possible, neither open-up conversations. On the other hand, I'm having second thoughts if this were the right approach; but since I couldn’t think of any other way, I chose to leave it just the same. It's definitely not the best way, but yet it might be the right one for the moment.

I'm so disappointed because it looks like I failed at parenting them more effectively. I didn't know what went wrong somewhere along the line. Then again, I’m still hopeful that one day they would learn the value of never to take for granted anybody or anyone's feelings and never to speak in a disrespectful manner as well. Even so, I reached my turning point for I felt like all the good things I’ve done haven't been paid off. The end result has always been a great failure! I have so much negative emotions deep inside that I have to get rid of it completely. So, I resorted to blogging and maintained an online journal wherein I could offload whatever it is I have in my heart and in my mind. Afterward, I felt so relieved and peaceful for letting go of the emotions and feelings of pain and sadness. Above all, I'm holding unto the Lord for he will never leave me nor fail me.


Psalms 37:3-5 “Trust in the Lord, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land and verily though shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the Lord and He shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him and He shall bring it to pass."