The year 2012 has been tough for me--I feel 2012 is trying to put me to death for a lot of unpleasant events keep happening; thanks its 62 days to go and 2012 will be over and gone. You know that all I want is to be simply happy and to stop feeling miserable. I keep chasing for happiness but why it's so elusive--so hard to catch. Don't I deserve to be happy--am I not entitled to it even just for the remaining days of my life here on earth???
I remember that I even asked a sign from you, whoever gives me white flowers on my 54th birthday is the right man for me. I'm so overwhelmed when I received a bunch of white roses on that very special day of mine and it was really unexpected that it was him who would think of giving me that; indeed, it was the very first time he had given me flowers.
I believed we had your blessings so I tried not to let my fears hold me back in giving him another chance to be part of my life again. I know his capable of doing anything but because of You I've got to overcome those fears and I feel so reassured that everything will be alright between the two of us from that day onward.
But I was so wrong...he caused me so much pain over again. I thought he's a changed man--I thought I'll be happy with him this time around; but why is this happening again...why, oh why??? I'm so hurt, really hurt--my emotions are such a mess! I keep thinking about my life and realize that I have always been a failure. My Lord and My God; why am I always such a big FAILURE???!!! What's wrong with me???!!!
